Kendo – First Impressions

Thursday was my 1^st Kendo practice. I had really been looking forward to starting Kendo, but for 3 days at work we had been battling a really persistent computer virus so most of my focus had been on that. My work week so far had consisted of twelve hour days without any breaks, but all the stress you could want. I was really starting to have doubts that I would make the first practice. In the past, this is something that I would allow to sabotage my Jiu-Jitsu training. Work stress would have me so mentally wigged-out and my body would be wound so tight, that I often couldn’t drag myself to practice. In reality, it probably would have been the best thing for me. I had enrolled son# 2 in Kendo as well and I called him from work and said, “Hey, we may have to miss the 1^st practice because of work.” I could hear the disappointment in his voice, so despite my mental state – we made it to practice.

Upon arriving at the Y, I have to admit I felt pretty silly walking out of the locker room carrying a big wooden stick with me. But I figured that a good WHACK upside the head should be enough to silence most hecklers, so we made our way out of the locker room and headed for the dojo.

We bowed as we entered the dojo and went to the side to take off our shoes and do some stretches. Looking around I noticed a few other students standing around. From their awkward stances I figured they were new too. Two students were not standing awkwardly, but were wearing Kendo-Gis\Hakamas and seemed to know what they were doing. It was a small group: just myself, my son, 3 other new students, 2 senior students and the instructor (Sensei).

When Sensei showed up, we started doing some basic stretches\warm-ups. For each warm-up we would count to 8 in Japanese. I remembered some of this from my Judo days. In fact, I’m fluent in counting to 10 in 5 different languages. Maybe I should consider applying for a job at the UN?

After warm-ups we lined up, bowed, and did 5 minutes of Mokuso (meditation). I think it was at that point that Sensei introduced himself and asked us why we had chosen to learn Kendo. For myself, I’m looking for the structure and camaraderie I’ve always found in martial arts training. I also want something that emphasizes the “art” side of martial arts and is still a good workout.

We then officially started class by learning a good stance, which I believe is called Chudan-no-kamae. In future posts I will go into more detail about what we learn. For now I will just say that I was surprised at the amount of yelling in Kendo.   I think it has something to do with demonstrating good “fighting spirit” or it could just be a way to warn others “Look out – I’ve got a big wooden stick and I’m itching for an excuse to use it!” I will say for now that my left calf was SORE for a day after practice. That stance is going to take some getting used to.  Also, I found the instructor (I have trouble calling someone Sensei -  guess I need to work on that) to be humble, but very capable in his abilities.

We ended class as we started: with bowing and meditation. After the beginner class, the senior students put on their Bogus (practice armor) and had their practice.

I was very happy after pratice.  After 25 years of studying different martial arts, I feel like I’m on a path again.  A path that requires learning, sweating, and struggling to reap it’s benefits.  Just like life.  

Veracity – The eternal pursuit of truth

2008 was a good year for me in many ways, but Martial Arts training just wasn’t in the cards.   I started out the year with the best of intentions but time, money, and my physical condition all conspired to keep me away.  As a result, I’m heavier than I’ve ever been in my life.  I can also tell that between  my age and physical condition it is only a matter of time before I start having health issues.

Knowing that I needed to do something,  I thumbed through a catalog of classes offered at my local YMCA a couple of weeks ago and my eye caught on the word Kendo .  Kendo?  I know next to nothing about Kendo.  Sure, I did some western fencing 20 years ago in college, but the styles are very different. Still, I thought I could probably manage it, so I decided to sign up.

Since it’s being offered at the Y, the class is pretty inexpensive, which allowed me to sign up one of my sons for the class as well.

I did a little research on the internet and discovered that the instructor is a high ranking Kendoka, which should mean some great instruction!  This should be great exercise, but I don’t think it will be as intensive as a grappling style, so I “should” be able to handle it.  With any luck it will help me get in the kind of condition I need to be in to participate in other, harder-core Martial Arts.

The class starts the week of January 5th, so… stay tuned!!

Been Away for awhile…

Sorry, I”ve been away for awhile.  After being a PC tech for a decade my PC finally got a virus I couldn’t do anything with.  So, been without a PC for a week.  That and there has been wrestling of one kind or another every night for a week.  I’ll be back soon though.

 Don’t be surprised if I write something about…wrestling.  

Floyd Mayweather Sr, discusses rumors of Lil’ Floyd’s future in MMA

My son had a wrestling meet tonight, so no time to work out. I wanted to link to this interview from FightHype.com though. It is one of the funniest things I have read in a LONG time! Check it out.

“Lil’ Floyd about to get his ass tore up man!”

Blow the Soot Out

“Sometimes you’ve got to blow the soot out of the mother…” My dad said as he smashed the accelerator of our old Chevy Nova to the floor and rammed the gear-shift home. I wasn’t about to look back to see if any soot or smoke was coming out of the exhaust. I was too busy holding on for dear life as we went flying over the winding country roads of southern Indiana.

That was my dad’s philosophy of life. “Fist and Skull” and “Balls to the Wall”. Bring it on, he was ready to go. I, however, have always been more of the “slow and steady wins the race” type.

I realized yesterday that was exactly how I was structuring my training. I can’t begin to train Jiu-Jitsu until the Spring when my son’s wrestling season is over and we have time to practice, so I’ve got plenty of time to prepare, right? Slow and steady. I have plenty of excuses for not pushing it. I’m old, overweight, out of shape. You name it. I HAVE to go slow and steady or I’ll have a heart attack. Then yesterday I was at the Y doing my slow jog thing on the treadmill and the attendant came up and flashed 5 fingers at me. “We’re closing up in 5 minutes since it’s New Years.” I looked at the treadmill and I still had more than half a mile to go to meet my goal. Now this would not be a big deal for someone who is in shape, but for someone who is doing 15 minute miles – this seemed impossible. But I was determined to meet my goal, so I cranked up the speed and ran at a pretty good clip and then with a quarter mile to go – I all out sprinted. Not only did I meet my goal with time to spare, but I didn’t keel over and die either. I was exhausted, but felt pretty good afterwards. It felt good to “blow the soot out”.

So with that in mind here is my “Blow the Soot Out” training plan for the rest of the week.

AM workout before work: (30 to 45 minutes)
AM Yoga (15 minutes for warm up)
20 Front kicks (10 each side)
20 Side Kicks (10 each side)
20 Roundhouse kicks (10 each side)
20 Outside Crescent kicks (10 each side)
20 Inside Crescent kicks (10 each side)
100 crunches (various types)
Shadow Box for 1 minute

PM workout after work: (30 to 45 minutes depending on how many times you have to stop and gasp for air.)
Run 2 miles on the treadmill
30 second Burpee Drill
30 second Mountain Climbers
30 second Mountain Jumpers
50 push ups

This may still not be a lot for some people, but trust me, this is A LOT for me. So, take your regular workout and kick it up a notch every now and then. Blow the soot out!

Training and UFC 79

So, I’m a middle-aged guy who is trying to get back in shape enough to resume training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and potentially some other martial arts. My short term goals are to:

• Lose 25 pounds
• Be able to run 2 miles straight
• Be able to roll with my son for 15 minutes none-stop
• Rehab my shoulder

Pretty basic goals, but at 43 this is where I’m at. For now I’m staying away from weight lifting. I’ve always read in magazines that you burn many more calories when you lift, but I’ve learned over time that it is very hard for me to lose weight when I’m lifting. So for now it’s just cut back on my eating and cardio, cardio, cardio. That’s my weakest point anyway. My strength level is fine, but my conditioning is horrid. When I did Jiu-Jitsu in the past I could only roll for a few minutes before I would be gassed and have to stop.

Last night before the fights I went to the Y and did my 3 mile combo on the treadmill.

• Walk 1 mile
• Jog 1 mile
• Walk .5 mile
• Walk on steep incline for .5 mile

Again, this is really basic stuff I know, but we’ve all got to start somewhere.

When I was finished I got in the whirlpool (or old-man soup as I call it). This feels so good on my lower back and shoulder that I just can’t pass it up. Sitting in the pool I always wonder at what point (age or weight wise) do men just not care anymore about what they look like and walk around buck-naked in the locker room all the time. It seems that the older and heavier they are, the more likely they are to put a foot up on the whirlpool rail and have their junk not 3 feet from me. Good lord people – use a towel! This isn’t good for anybody!

Anyway, when I was done I ran home and ordered UFC 79. My oldest son had his girlfriend over and another of his friends. She had never seen MMA before and I thought she would freak at seeing all the blood. But there wasn’t really a lot of blood in most of the fights, so no big deal.

79 had the long awaited Chuck Lidell/Wanderlai Silva fight. I really thought Silva would eat Lidell alive, but it sure didn’t turn out that way. Silva didn’t seem to have the intensity that I remember from his old Pride days and he threw very few kicks. I’m not a Lidell fan so I was disappointed in the result. But I still think Rampage will own Lidell when they meet again.

The other big fight was Georges St. Pierre and Matt Hughes. There was never a doubt in my mind about how this fight would go. My only concern was where GSPs head would be. I would have liked to see the Hughes/Serra fight, but the title really belongs to GSP so I was happy to see him get the win. Now, if he can control his nerves he should get the title back and retain it for a long, long time.

One of the fights on the undercard I was excited to see was Manny Gamburyan. When he was on TUF Dana White was always predicting that he would lose every fight, but he never took into account Manny’s skill and heart. It was a great win for Manny. Many of the best fighters are in the Lightweight class. Now get Manny in there with them and let them all go at it. I would be happy seeing a fight card with nothing but lightweights. UFC 83 – Lightweight Redemption!!!

That’s all for now. We’re getting ready to drive south to have a late Christmas with my side of the family.

The Aging Budoka – A Martial Arts Journey

BJJ class circa 2005

When we think of Superheroes we usually think of comic book characters like Superman or Spiderman, but growing up in the 1970s there were flesh and blood people who seemed like Superheroes to legions of young boys. “Leap tall buildings in a single bound?” How about jump 50 school buses in a single jump? “Faster then a speeding bullet?” How about “Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee?” As a young boy in the 1970s, Evel Knievel, Muhammad Ali, and Bruce Lee were real life superheroes to me and many other kids.

But there was someone who wasn’t nearly as flamboyant that appealed to me even more. Kwai Chang Caine from the TV show Kung FU still kicked his share of ass, but there was more to him. A deeper, more spiritual side. As an 8 year old I started thinking about ideas like “enlightenment through combat” and other “deep” topics. Being the smallest kid in my class and kind of a “sensitive thinker” type, I had daily “confrontations” with some of the other kids at school. So, the idea of being able to kick a little ass myself certainly appealed to me. All of these experiences fostered my love and passion for the martial arts.

But studying martial arts of any kind would have to wait until college. First thing I did as a freshman in 1982 was to join the Fencing Club. This might seem like a strange place to start, but I had always been fascinated by swords and being small, I was intimidated by most martial arts. My experience fencing did prove useful when I started sparing in TaeKwonDo and HapKido years later.

Later on in school I ran into a group of people who repeatedly wanted to do me harm. Knives were drawn; punches were thrown on multiple occasions. Pretty freaky stuff, so putting aside my intimidation of Martial Arts, I enrolled in my first TaeKwonDo class. I enjoyed TKD, but felt restrained by the strict sparring rules. I’m 5’3”, how am I supposed to kick someone who is 6’4” in the head? I wanted to grab my opponent and bring him down to my level, but that just wasn’t allowed. About blue belt level in TKD I was introduced to HapKiDo and found a martial art that seemed to fill a lot of the gaps I had seen in TKD. I loved HKD. My instructor had a very basic philosophy where HapKiDo was concerned. If it works, it’s HapKiDo. Here was a martial art where I could grab my opponent, apply a joint lock, throw him to the ground, kick/punch, etc. There was just one rule that my instructor had. Since many of these techniques were potentially dangerous, we were not supposed to really go at it. This didn’t sit well with me and some of my buddies. How could we know if what we were learning would really work if we never tried it? So, quietly when the instructor wasn’t around, we would go at it. This was before the first UFC, so we knew nothing about Muay Thai or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Our only rules were to control the strikes a little and stop if someone tapped. I’ll never forget the reaction of some TKD people when they saw one of our practices. I was sparring with my friend Wil and took him down to the mat and started trying to apply a joint lock. He was fighting back with everything he had when several of the TKD folks came over to “break us up”. They thought we had flipped out and were trying to kill each other. We explained to them that we were having fun and that this is what can happen in a real fight.

Eventually new people started coming to the HapKiDo club that I couldn’t stand and I was about to get married, so I stepped away from HKD and martial arts for the next decade. As my family started I still retained much of my HapKiDo training and read countless books and magazines on martial arts…but the world changed. In my world, I had a desk job, long commute, two young children and a mortgage. In the martial arts world, a young Brazilian named Royce Gracie fought in the first Ultimate Fighting Championship and turned that world upside down.

In early 2001 I decided that I wanted my oldest son to start learning a martial art. He was 9 years old and I didn’t want him going to school kicking and punching at the other kids. So, I searched all over to find a Judo school. The only place I could find was 30 miles away, so I emailed that instructor asking him if he knew of anyplace closer to where I lived. He emailed me back promptly and encouraged us to come train with him on Saturday mornings. If I had thought that my friends and I sparred hard in HapKiDo, I was greatly “enlightened” the first time I saw Randori in Judo. These guys were doing things I had never seen before. Throws, chokes, armbars – all at full speed! Wow! I eventually started doing a little Judo myself, but quickly realized that the intervening years had not been kind to me. I was out of shape and could only Randori for short periods of time. Eventually other responsibilities for myself and our Judo instructor meant that our time learning Judo came to an end. But not before I developed a great respect for Judo and a life long friendship with our instructor.

As Judo was winding down, a resume came across my desk at work one day for a PC technician who listed “Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu” as a hobby. By this time I had seen a little BJJ, but knew next to nothing about it. I setup the interview and was impressed with his technical skills, but more importantly I was excited by the idea of having someone at work I could talk “martial arts” with. I hired him and we have been friends ever since.

In 2005 I learned that a Martial Arts school in a nearby town was going to start offering Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I eagerly signed myself and my oldest son up for classes. I was nervous though, because I knew enough about BJJ to know that it would be the toughest martial art I had ever studied. Plus, I was 40 and hadn’t regularly trained in a martial art for almost 20 years. Due to his experience in wrestling and Judo, my son was a natural and I did…okay. The single biggest issue for me was my conditioning and weight. I did fine until we would really start rolling and then I would consistently “gas out”. Unfortunately, due to financial and other issues I had to stop training after only 6 months. Once again, I was blessed by becoming pretty good friends with our instructor and we have stayed in touch during my “hiatus”.

Since 2005, my son and I have focused our energies on his wrestling, but it’s not enough for either of us, so with 2008 just around the corner we are once again looking at how we can start training.

As a college student in the 1980s I ran 5 miles a day, lifted weights 3 times a week and practiced 2 different martial arts consistently. Today I am 43 years old, 40 pounds heavier, have a “touchy” rotator cuff in my left shoulder, and an achy lower back. I sit at a desk 40+ hours per week. Spend another 10+ per week sitting in a car. My time is limited, but I am determined to continue my martial arts journey. So, join me on The Aging Budoka as I share my experiences, both positive and negative, as I struggle to get back in shape and train with people literally half my age.

I will also review martial arts themed books, movies, TV shows and the world of Mixed Martial Arts. Stay Tuned!

- Jeff

American Shaolin

American Shaolin recounts the author’s experiences as he grows from the proverbial 98 pound weakling to a true Sanda (Chinese kickboxing) warrior, during his two years at Shaolin.

In 1992, despite his friends’ and parents’ misgivings, Polly takes a leave of absence from his studies at Princeton and, with no idea where Shaolin is, leaves for China.

Upon arriving in China, Polly quickly realizes that the 3 years of Chinese he studied in college has only barely prepared him to speak with the locals and find his way through Chinese society. He also faces the culture shock of dealing with corrupt, if ineffectual, old-school communist officials.

Once he finds the Shaolin monastery, he discovers it to be more of a tourist attraction than the mystical temple he has dreamed about his whole life. Even so, his experiences with his teachers, fellow monks, and the Chinese people are deep and meaningful, transforming him into a physically and spiritually fit adult.

Most of the monks Polly trains with are poor young men from peasant families. Being at Shaolin is not some “spiritual quest” for them so much as it is a way out of the poverty they’ve experienced their whole lives. Much like kids in the US dreaming of becoming the next Kobe Bryant, these kids hope to become the next Jackie Chan or Jet Li.

The interactions between the monks really bring the book to life. Like everyone else, they have hopes and dreams and struggle with the challenges of being young men while trying to live up to the ideal of what a Shaolin monk should be.

Each of the monks is memorable; there’s the precocious Little Tiger, the noble warrior Dequing, and of course the mighty Monk Dong. (Yes that’s right, Monk Dong.) For the next month, I am going to have the image of Monk Dong putting his junk on a desk and pounding it with his fist to make it “impervious”, engraved on my brain. Thanks, Mr. Polly! Forget all the SPAM emails you get about how to make your “unit” bigger guys. All you need to do is study Iron Crotch KungFu!

The book culminates with the author’s return visit to Shaolin 10 years after he originally left. On his return visit, Polly sees how much China has changed during his absence. It is a country that has become much more open, and thanks to some capitalist investment, is growing by leaps and bounds. Even the monk culture has changed since he left. The author’s description of watching an elderly peasant man perform during traditional forms competition is quite moving and stirring.

If the book has any shortcomings it is that we are not really told how the author’s life is different when he returns to the states. Is he more focused? More confident? His experiences at Shaolin surely have changed how he sees and interacts with the world around him, but we do not have a complete picture here.

I strongly recommend American Shaolin for any reader who is interested in travel-adventure stories, coming of age stories, martial arts, Midwesterners, or penile enlargement techniques.

Amituofo (May the Buddha bless you)

5 Grasshoppers out of 5

Visit me at www.myspace.com/laotzu42

A Fighter’s Heart

Author Sam Sheridan has done a lot of living. He has sailed around the world, put out forest fires in America’s southwest, and been part of a work-crew in Antarctica. That’s a lot of adventure for someone so young. Oh, and he’s still found time to travel around the world to train with Olympic boxers, Mixed Martial Artist (MMA) superstars, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu champions, and Muay Thai fighters. From the moment he first put on boxing gloves as a student at Harvard Sheridan discovered a love for fighting. This fascination eventually led him to wonder “Why?” Why would an otherwise sane individual choose to get into a ring or cage and stand toe-to-toe with someone who wants nothing more than to beat the living crap out of you? This is the basic question put forth in Sheridan’s book
A Fighter’s Heart, one that he and the reader explore as we follow the author around the globe.

After spending a little time in Australia studying kickboxing Sheridan decides to travel to Thailand to study Muay Thai kickboxing in depth. Sheridan’s descriptive detail of the training village, the people he meets there and the pre-fight Muay Thai rituals are wonderful and an example of the books strengths. Thailand is one place I have never really considered visiting, but after reading the account of his time there I am putting it on my list of 100 places to see before I die.

All pictures in this article are for illustrative purposes only

We feel the author’s aches and pains as he trains daily for his debut match against a Japanese Karate fighter. The buildup to the fight doesn’t disappoint as we feel like we’re right there with him preparing for the big day. After the fight (sorry, you’ll have to read the book to see who wins) the author eventually returns to the states and goes on with his life only to realize that he hasn’t gotten fighting out of his system yet.

This desire to fight leads him to Iowa where he trains under MMA pioneer, Pat Miletich the Croatian Sensation. Here he falls once again into the daily routine of constant training and easy camaraderie with many of today’s top MMA superstars. Among them are Matt Hughes and Tim Sylvia.

 

Training MMA Sheridan compares and contrasts its differences with Muay Thai and boxing. We learn to appreciate all the knowledge that a good MMA fighter must possess as he can be beat in any of a number of ways. Sheridan’s training eventually leads to a fight where he is injured and forced to quit. This starts an unfortunate trend where each time Sheridan trains in a new style he can never devote 100% of himself to the endeavor because of his nagging injuries. This makes many of the chapters a little anti-climatic.

His time training MMA helps him realize that his “ground-game” is weak. So Sheridan travels to Brazil to study Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I got a real kick out of reading his struggles getting used to wearing a Gi while training. Anyone who practices Judo or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu will relate to this and share a knowing grin.

Sheridan does a great job describing the history of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and how the local surfer culture has influenced the evolution of the sport. His depiction of poverty in Brazil is gripping and a real eye-opener. Here we get a clear picture as to why some people fight. It can provide a way out of the poverty they live with everyday. Again though, due to his injuries, Sheridan is not able to train fully and so his ground-game does not improve as much as he or the reader would have liked.

After leaving Brazil he spends some time studying Tai Chi from the venerable Master Chen and learns that this “soft” art has its roots in real fighting. It’s goal of slowing everything down as much as possible helps focus and refine your technique.

One of the biggest sections of the book covers his time training with Olympic caliber boxers. Sheridan provides great insight into the history and importance of the “sweet science” to American history. As with the other chapters we follow his training as he works to develop into a sound boxer and we are once again disappointed when he is injured in a sparring match and unable to have his debut boxing match.

I found the section on dog-fighting uncomfortable and awkward to read. The author is using it as a way to describe the idea of “Gameness”. Where a fighter is always ready to throw down no matter how tired or outgunned he is. While I understand the intent, as a westerner, I have trouble relating to the idea of training animals to fight for sport.

In the final chapter the author sums up his theories on fighting and provides some sound insight into man’s desire for competition and to “prove” himself. I’d like to add that the difference between a fighter and a martial artist is that a fighter sees his opponent as the guy standing across from him in the ring while a martial artist recognizes that his opponent is within him. Eventually speed and strength vanish and a fighter must recognize that the challenge has always been to improve himself. Hence the “DO” (way) in the name of so many traditional martial arts.

A Fighter’s Heart suffers from feeling like a collection of magazine articles loosely tied together to create a book. This is unfortunate as each chapter could serve as the basis for a book of its own. Just as the author jumps from one fighting style to another, never mastering any, so too are we, the readers, never given time to fully immerse ourselves in the culture, and techniques of any one style.

The book’s greatest strength is the author’s gift for fantastic descriptive writing. We truly feel like we are there with him, covered in blood and gasping for air. His first hand experience training in these sports provides a legitimate snapshot of the skills and dedication needed to successfully pursue them. Are you game?

3 bloodied fighters out of 5

Death Trance

Death Trance is a buddy movie featuring Grave, a kick-ass Samurai, and a simple monk making their way… No that’s not it. Death Trance is a post apocalyptic martial arts fantasy film where… Hmm, still not quite right. Death Trance is a story of Good vs. Evil where the “chosen one” must do battle with the goddess of destruction. Nope not even close. Death Trance is an extended music video set to industrial metal music where break-dancing ninjas fight against… Sigh, however you describe it, Death Trance is one trippy movie and that’s alright by me.

This is the directorial debut of Yuji Shimamura’s and the basic plot revolves around the legend of a coffin. Legend has it that whoever takes this coffin into the forbidden forest will have all their wishes come true. So Grave, the warrior, takes the coffin from its protected temple and makes his way to the forest, fighting all sorts of ninja-mutants along the way. Following along behind the coffin is a cute little girl, but we’ll get back to her later.

Meanwhile, a naïve monk, the lone survivor of the temple, has been given the task of delivering a special, funky handled sword to Grave. There’s kind of a Japanese – Excalibur thing going on with the sword, because only the “chosen one” will be able to pull it out of its scabbard.

Along the way, the monk meets Sid, another guy looking for the coffin. Sid sports a silly looking Mohawk, but since Sid is packing some serious heat, no one gives him too much grief about his choice in hair styles. Sid is played by Kentaro Segal. Notice that last name? Yes, this is Steven Segal’s son and guess what? Unlike dad, he can act. There’s a scene where Sid pulls out a bazooka and shoots a heat-seeking missile at a one-eyed Ninja – whoa, you don’t see that everyday!

As our heroes make their way to the forbidden forest they fight all sorts of unusual ninja-mutants. From ninjas with machinegun tonfas, (traditional martial arts baton weapon) to spider ninjas, and zombie ninjas with a thing for big floppy hats, there’s some funky fighting going on in the forest!

Of course, the story about having all your wishes come true is really just a trick. You see, the coffin is actually home to the dried-up old bones of the goddess of destruction. Eventually the coffin is brought back home to the forbidden forest and the cute little girl climbs inside and out comes the goddess of destruction and as the ever lovin’ Thing used to say, “It’s clobberin’ time!” (Sorry, mixed genres there.)

After beating a not-ready-for-prime time “chosen one”, the goddess ascends into Heaven and starts hacking and slaying with abandon. What we see are angels, with bits and pieces of their wings chopped off, falling out of the sky. Pretty cool. Finally the “chosen one” figures out what he’s supposed to do and pulls the penis-sword out of its scabbard and goes after the goddess. The final fight scene between the “chosen one” and the goddess seems somewhat sexual. “Are you going to kill me with that sword or are you just happy to see me?”

This is a visually interesting and quirky martial arts film. Even though the plot is pretty simple, there is still a lot going on, so pay attention or you just might miss the stop motion “Island of Misfit Toys” little creatures that show up in the forest.

2 ½ tripped out Ninjas out of 5